Struggles

I struggle with where my place is alot. Where is my place in the home? In church? With the ward? At work?

Where do I stand? Not sure if anyone REALLY knows who I am and if they even care. Sometimes I feel like I am stuck in Richard's shadow everywhere. Everyone knows he can do alot of stuff, but not one thing about me. Richard cooks, bakes, goes to school, is a priesthood holder, head of the house, manages the missionaries, talks to everyone, etc. Me, it's hard to come out of your shell when you keep getting shoved back in. Rachel always makes me feel like I am stupid. She dominates conversations or sits like a bump and people come out of the woodwork to talk to her. I try to be friendly but I always feel like I am annoying people.

I go to the activities but I always end up in the corner watching everyone have fun and try to engage my sister. It's high school all over again. Everyone knows who she is and thinks Rhonda is her middle name. I should stop going, but I go hoping everytime will be different. Maybe one day it will be. This Thursday is an activity, so here's to hoping someone will talk to me and I don't feel like I am annoying them.

At home my kids refuse to listen to me. I told Christopher to move away from Dad while he is playing Zelda so he doesn't get hit by the controller and he sat there and completely ignored me. I ask Kaitlyn to stop carrying Riley everywhere and she still carries her everywhere. I ask the girls to come set the table or clean the kitchen after dinner and they ignore me. Ask Christopher to take out the gargabe or recycles and he continues drawing. I am getting tired of asking, but what is my other option? Do it myself? It seems like that is what it will come down to. I go to work 5 days a week for 8 hours and then come home and clean 6 days a week for two to three hours. They spend all day dcoing nothing, but expect to be given whatever they want. I will probably have Sariah too soon if I have to do that. But it may come down to that. The blanket and getting stuff ready for Sariah will never get done. I am still trying to finish her blanket but I keep having to ask over and over again for help. I need to get the bassinet down and fix up her side of the room and wash and put her clothes away. So much to do for her and family, but no time at all. With a family of six you would think they would want to help.