When all else fails throw out the directions and just wing it!
Be extra nice to your enemies, it will drive them nuts!
Friendship is like peeing your pants, everyone can see it, but only you can feel the warmth.
If I was meant to wash dishes, I would have been born with waterproof hands!
Why must good vacuum cleaners sucks?
I am not overweight, I am just under tall.
I want to go on the chocolate diet!
I want to be able to stand up to pee! It would make dry camping so much easier!
I hate cooking dinner, I always worry the CDC will show up.
I finally got my head together and now my a** falls apart!
I let my mind wander and now it refuses to come back!
I got a few screws loose and I can't find the screwdriver.
Insanity is inherited, you get it from your kids!
Bring back nap time!
The crying I keep hearing is coming from me!
Would you like some cheese to go with that whine?
High school is a time in our life that we learn what X equals and never use it again.
I send my children to school to learn, but all they are learning is how to throw attitude.
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