In The Shadows

That seems to be where I live these days. The past few days, all I have been is hidden in the shadow of my husband. We had some family friends come into town to visit. When they showed up at our house, they all made comments on how much weight Richard has lost. Not one mention of me at all. When Richard's family shows up, he gets all the attention. Makes me think that I am going unnoticed.  People know me as Richard's wife and in some case can't remember my name or say it wrong.  In school it was always Rachel and Rhonda, never Rhonda and Rachel.  I live in her shadow.

We had a chili cookoff at church and everyone assumed the chili was Richard's. Someone even said, I did not know you could cook to me.  I made cupcakes for a cake walk and again, it was assumed Richard baked them. I cook dinner four nights a week and when people come over, they assume Richard cooked and pay him the compliments.  The vinyl signs all over our house, people's first thing people ask is how did Richard do it. It's like I don't exist. I am just the wife of the cook, the crafty person and the man who has lost alot of weight.  I live in his shadow.

I live in the shadows again, just as I did when I was a kid. Makes me sad that I am a nobody and everyone thinks all I do is work. I am tired of being the "and", when does the other person get to be the "and"? I live in their shadow.

If I ran away tomorrow, who would notice me missing? Probably no one. If I lose the 60 pounds I want to by the end of June, will that go unnoticed again? Probably, the first 75 did.  Do I stay in the shadows and learn how to shine on my own or do I just resign to the shadows and get use to being a nobody?  Maybe just being a nobody is better and I grow a thicker skin to compensate for all the sadness.  But I am tired of living in the shadows.